


Untitled

by hanarobi



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-17
Updated: 2010-01-17
Packaged: 2017-10-06 09:55:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanarobi/pseuds/hanarobi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a Sentinel Fic, no slash, and takes place at the very end of S2p2 (you know, the episode where Blair drowns and Jim gets into the chamber pools with Alex? That one.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Untitled

That he, of all people, would have visions and act so stupidly. He doesn't know who he is anymore. Visions and rutting. It isn't him. But it was.

And there's Blair. He really should be home recuperating, but instead he's been at Jim's side through this whole nightmare. Protecting him, covering for him, flat-out lying when need be. Guiding-- 'cause that's what he does, no matter how Jim treats him. It will be up to Blair to sort through everything, to eventually make sense of it all. And no doubt the first thing he'll want to do is to get Jim to talk. But what Sandburg wants can just wait because the first thing Jim is going to do is to make sure they both make it back to the loft and that Sandburg sleeps for at least 48 hours straight through.

They say that Blair died, that Jim brought him back from the dead, but it isn't true. He got close, that part's true, but his heart never completely stopped. That's how Jim knew not to give up; he could hear Blair's heart even when the paramedics, with all their equipment, couldn't. Sure the spirit animals were involved, but Jim didn't feel he had much to do with that. He just kept up the CPR, giving the panther time to go get the wolf to reconsider, to turn around. He might be able to hear what others couldn't, but he did not bring the dead back to life. That's just not who he is.

He didn't bring Sandburg back from the dead. He didn't have visions that told him were she was, what she was doing, where she would be next, who she had killed and how. He didn't act in ways that put thousands at risk, he didn't betray his own team. None of this was who he was.

He wasn't a man who spawned violence; he stopped those who would hurt others, like Brackett, Kinkaid, Zeller, Lash. And Alex. He stopped people like Alex—at least, he always had until he had to choose and then he let her go. Made sure the others let her go. Yet, if she hadn't gone into the pool and destroyed her own mind, she would have killed tens of thousands. But he wouldn't have stopped her, not if it meant her death. He had stopped her from opening the canister, there at the end, but he knew he had done so only to protect her from herself. At that moment in time, when she had scrambled to open the lid and he had reached out to her, his only intention had been to save her. The rest of humanity simply had not counted. Not at that moment. She was all that he could care about and even then, if he were being honest, he was trying to save her for himself.

When he felt her mind shattered, he shared with her for that brief horrible moment the searing pain of being destroyed. When her soul was ripped from his, when he knew that she was lost to him forever and that all that had driven him for the last several days was simply gone in that one unalterable moment, he would have given up everything, given anything he had, to have kept her.

He had so much experience with loss and betrayal, but nothing, not even when he had thought Blair was dead, came close to the devastation of feeling Alex shatter within his own mind.

He had had no choice, no control. Being with Alex, bonding with her, joining, it was all that there was. The merge with Blair was nothing compared to the utter completion of being connected with another Sentinel. For that one incredible moment, he had had more than anyone had ever had. So much knowledge, awareness, understanding. Power. But only with that link he had with Alex and he had managed to hold on to it for a single split second before it was all ripped away.

And now he was sitting on a rock, outside the Temple, trying to remember who he was and wondering how much of himself had survived. He didn't know how to name all the emotions he was feeling. There was humiliation over how he had behaved. But what name do you give to how it felt to have touched the sun and then been sentenced to live in shadows? Grief, loss? He had known… had experienced…he had no words for it, and now even the experience itself was fading. He knew that he had for that moment, possessed more, seen more, experienced more, had almost been able to have in his grasp more than a human being should ever have. And yet it had been his. Almost. His to share with Alex, for that brief glorious horrible moment. And now he was sitting on a rock in the jungle surrounded by ordinary human beings and it was almost more than he could endure.

Sandburg had come to him, talked with him and said that he was better than Alex, that he had his path, whatever that meant. Trust Sandburg to understand something like this. To understand him. And Sandburg would forgive him, no doubt already had forgiven him. It was just how Sandburg was. Eventually, Blair would get him to talk and begin to make sense of things for him, so that he could push all this down, let it continue to slide away into the dream-like state it was already becoming.

There was no better way to make it up to someone you has pushed away from you because you didn't trust them than to give yourself over to them completely when you were broken. He hoped Blair would understand this; he thought it was a pretty good chance of it.. And Blair would take care of him because Blair knew that Jim was not the sort of man who had visions.


End file.
